


Hannah's tumblr headcanons

by robron_til_the_end



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Fluff, Headcanon, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2018-11-01 14:46:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 7,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10924005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robron_til_the_end/pseuds/robron_til_the_end
Summary: Just my own rambling thoughts that I've decided to put on AO3. A lot of Robert and Aaron, but possibly other characters too.





	1. Glasses

Aaron frowns at his phone. It’s a text message from Robert with an address and a “please come!” message, accompanied by three x’s on the end of it. It doesn’t make any sense, Robert knows he’s busy with meetings this morning. It’s when the second message comes through that Aaron starts to worry. “It’s an emergency!!” Aaron has a quick word with Adam to take over the scrap meetings, and gets in his car, trying not to worry and to focus on the road.

The address is in Hotten and Aaron pulls into a free space on the side of the road, briefly grateful for the parking space. He hurries into the shop, again still trying to stave off the worry, and finds Robert. He looks paler than normal, more agitated and Aaron wonders what’s wrong.

“Right, I’m here,” he says gruffly. “What’s the problem?” Robert was standing and he looked in one piece, so it couldn’t be too major. And he hadn’t got a call from the school, so it wasn’t anything to do with Liv.

“I can’t pick,” Robert says quickly.

“Pick what?”

“Glasses!” It’s then that Aaron realises what shop he’s in. He’d been panicking so much about Robert being in one piece it hadn’t registered. He’s in an opticians, and Robert is staring at a stand full of different frames for glasses.

“Robert, you said it was an emergency,” Aaron says lowly, knowing at the same time how sensitive Robert was about his eyesight. It had taken six months of nagging for him to even book the appointment in the first place. And he hadn’t told Aaron it was today.

“It is an emergency!” Robert says, ignoring the saleswoman behind him. “I don’t want to look like a complete idiot!” Then in a softer voice. “I want you to like them.” That does make Aaron mellow, and eventually they manage to pick some frames that Robert can “just about live with” despite the fact that “of course he doesn’t need glasses!”

“Yeah, I like them,” Aaron says. Then leans forward, whispering. “You might even look sexier than normal in them.” Robert grins, happy with his choice. Of course, no one besides Aaron and Liv needs to know he needs glasses, do they?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When it inevitably becomes public knowledge about Rhona and Pierce, I’d kill for (which means we won’t get it) a scene like this. (discussion about rape warning here)

Rhona can feel eyes on her everywhere, and she hates it. This is why she kept it to herself, because now everyone she knows is looking at her like a victim. And it makes her want to claw her skin off. It’s the same feeling she had when she went to the police station in the first place and she can’t cope with it. Wants to drown with it.

“Hi.” Rhona looks up and sees Aaron, and more surprisingly, he’s actually talking to her. Not staring and whispering and pointing. Or like others, who are probably laughing about her in conversations she doesn’t hear. “I’m not going to ask how you are,” he says.

“Good,” Rhona says. Then she remembers Aaron’s past, and it clearly shows on her face. The flicker of recognition, that he‘s been a victim of this a long time ago.

“It won’t always be like this,” Aaron says. “They’ll get bored and move on with their own lives. You know they will.” She forces a smile at him, it’s true. The gossip always moves on in this village. It’s just this week she’s the topic of it. “Want a coffee?” Aaron offers.

“You’re not treating me the way everyone else is,” Rhona says. “Looking at me the way they all do, like I’m… diseased or it was my fault, or like…. a victim.”  
  
“If I did, would it help?” Aaron asks bluntly. “I don’t think anyone’s at mine, if you wanted to avoid the café.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Come on,” Aaron said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. Rhona thinks about it, but what has she got to lose, really? She follows him to the Mill, and it is empty like he said, Aaron putting the kettle on in movements that show a clear habit.

“I might know some of how you feel right now,” Aaron says quietly, spooning instant coffee into their mugs and not looking at her.

“Do you ever get over it?” Rhona asks quietly. She wouldn’t have actively sought Aaron out to talk to him about this, but now that he’s here… He might be one of the people who could understand. “Is there ever a day that you never think about it?”

“No,” Aaron says. Rhona sighs heavily, it hadn’t been the answer she wanted to hear.

“How do you cope with it?” Rhona asks. “How do you… go on knowing that you will always think about it and… God, I’m sorry. It’s not my place, I shouldn’t be digging up your past and… Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron said, passing her her mug. “You can never go back to who you were before. In my opinion, that’s impossible. But you can learn to live with it.”  
  
“How?”

“For me? I wasn’t going to let him win. No way was I going to spend the rest of my life under the shadow a coward like him forced on me. He wasn’t going to beat me.” Rhona sighs, not knowing what to say as she sinks down into a chair in the kitchen. “Give yourself some time. I don’t think… I ever really got past it, until everyone in my world knew, and stood by me anyway. I thought I’d be called a liar, but no one I loved did. And that helped.” Rhona smiled slightly into her coffee. It helps, to talk to someone who could understand. Even if they weren’t close to her, it helps.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this and I sort of wasn't sure what to do with it / where to publish it, so I slotted it in here. Set after the reveal, but not long after. Warning for self harm here.

Robert isn’t sure at first what he’s walking in on. He had thought the bathroom was empty, then he sees Aaron bent over the sink, immobile. Robert draws in a breath to speak, but then it fades as he has no idea what to say. Then he can see it in the mirror, Aaron contemplating a razor blade. Robert freezes for a second, fear stopping him from instantly reacting. Aaron looks at it in a cold, almost detached way and Robert knows this is because of him. And Rebecca. And the whole sorry mess.

“Put it down,” Robert said surely, walking into the bathroom, keeping his eyes focused on the object that could hurt Aaron. Robert wraps his hand around Aaron’s right wrist tightly, so he can’t do any damage with it and Aaron frowns at him, still seeming a little disorientated, not quite here.

“Robert?”

“Drop it, Aaron,” Robert says, voice steady and sure which covers the fear he’s feeling, eyes still completely focused on the blade.

“I can’t move my hand.” Robert loosens his grip a fraction, just enough for Aaron to drop it on the side of the sink. Robert can breathe when it’s out of his grasp, and he doesn’t ask before sliding the sleeves of Aaron’s jumper out of the way, checking his skin, and Aaron to his credit, lets him. He understands why. There’s no new marking, no blood, nothing. Robert wants to take Aaron’s jumper off completely to check his stomach and chest, but can tell Aaron wouldn’t appreciate that right now. They’ve barely touched since Robert told him the truth, and that would be going too far.

“I should leave,” Robert says very quietly, voice breaking. “I know this is because of me, if I’m driving you to even think of this, it’s not worth it. I’m not worth it.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Aaron says.

“Aaron…”

“I thought about it,” Aaron continues. “I won’t lie, I considered it but even if you hadn’t been here, I wouldn’t have cut.”

“I can’t…” Robert says, shaking his head. “I hate the fact I’ve hurt you this badly, I can’t be here… being the reason you want to hurt yourself again. It’s better if I leave.”

“No, Robert,” Aaron says. “I said we’ll work through it. I meant it.”

“I just hurt you,” Robert says. “It’s all I know how to do.”

“Okay, recent track record aside… you’ve made me happier than I thought I could ever get. I want to work on us, I can’t let you go. I wasn’t going to hurt myself.”

“Good,” Robert says. “But I don’t know how we get back.”

“I don’t think we do,” Aaron replied. “I think we go forward instead. I wish you hadn’t, God, I wish that more than anything else. But you did, and we’re here so…”

“If I were a better man I’d leave you to find someone else,” Robert says.

“If you were a better man, I probably wouldn’t have fallen for you anyway.” Aaron sighs. “I saw you look, do you want to see me?” Aaron toys with the hem of his jumper and Robert shakes his head.

“I trust you,” Robert says. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Aaron says. Aaron leans into Robert’s chest and Robert holds him, for the first time since… Well, **_since_**.

“You can always talk to me if you feel the need to cut,”  Robert says. “Whatever’s going on with us, I mean…”

“I know.” Aaron breathes in Robert’s skin and they stand there in the quiet, neither of them breaking the silence.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt "I don't know why I'm crying."

Robert is giddy. It has been such a good day. Technically it’s his third wedding, his second to Aaron, and, he knows this for sure, his last. This time they managed to get their names on the paperwork, this time they don’t have the threat hanging over them of a parting of unknown length and pain and separation. Not now. That’s gone, it’s over and they will never be going back to those tough couple of months. 

Vic’s gone a little overboard on the cake, as this time she had had a “fair amount of notice” to get the job done. There’s just one tiny snag. Robert can’t find his new (is it new?) husband. They’re having the reception at the pub, just like the first time, but with Liv making sure everything was done her way. No one had dared argue with her, but Robert doesn’t care, he has Aaron and that’s the important thing. Except right at this moment, he’s gone. Neither man has their phone on them, so calling him is out, and Aaron certainly isn’t in the pub either. Not even the back rooms.

He feels anxious without Aaron’s presence, so Robert goes home. He can’t work out why Aaron would be at the Mill, when everyone they know is currently in the pub drinking from an open bar, but he also can’t work out where else Aaron might have gone. Maybe he can read Aaron better than he thought, because Aaron is at home, alone in a dark room, leaning over their kitchen sink. There’s half a glass of whisky next to him on the side and Robert knows that isn’t a good sign and feels his heart plummet. This was meant to be one of the happiest days of their lives, and Aaron’s alone in the dark, drinking.

“I know you’re there,” Aaron says without turning, still leaning against the sink for support.

“I lost my groom,” Robert says lightly. “Wanted to find him.” Aaron turns and Robert can see that he’s been crying, the tracks down his face are obvious. “I’m sorry,” Aaron breathes, rubbing his face with the back of his sleeve. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“I thought… today was what we both wanted,” Robert says, trying not to fall apart. If the thought of tying himself to Robert for life made Aaron break down in tears…

“God, I do,” Aaron says. He smiles and rubs his face again. “It’s been… amazing. And we needed this, and I want this so much. You, for good.”

“Then why…?” Robert asks. He touches Aaron’s arm, trying to ground himself now he feels fairly sure Aaron won’t reject him.

“I can’t stop thinking…” Aaron swallows audibly. “The last time I felt this happy, this… in love, I lost you.”

“You didn’t lose me,” Robert says. He slips both hands down to Aaron’s waist, holding him close. “I’m right here.”

“I know,” Aaron says weakly. “But it was a few months before we “fixed” us and got back to normal. I’m just afraid…”

“Aaron, it’s gone,” Robert says softly. “It’s done, it won’t happen again. Never. We can move on.”

“Move on to what?”

Robert smiles, because the promise of the future means so much to him. “To everything else.” Aaron smiles warmly and reaches up to kiss his husband. People might call him an idiot for taking Robert back, but even with it messed up, even when they were a complete disaster, Robert makes him happy. And for some reason no one would ever be able to put into words, they work. It’s that simple.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon for this morning, the day after.

Robert wakes feeling his entire body aching. Dozing on the floor isn’t a good idea for many reasons, not the least being that his neck now hurts and he doesn’t feel well rested either. But what bothers him the most is that he’s alone.

The house has that quiet feel of no one else being present, and even though he looks in the kitchen, it’s obvious Aaron’s not here. Maybe he’s changed his mind, decided that in fact even considering to forgive Robert is just too much. Robert wouldn’t blame him, he never expected to still be in the house in the first place. Probably in Vic’s back room, if she let him. Once she’d discovered the truth about why Aaron had kicked him out, he doubted she’d welcome him with open arms. Of course Aaron would leave.

Robert rolls his head slightly, trying to ease the aching in his neck with limited success. He looks at the half packed boxes and wonders if he should start repacking them, looking into storage before he can sort himself out. A new, empty start. 

He wasn’t going to beg Aaron to forgive him, not yesterday, not now. He’d made the decision before telling Aaron the truth, that he’d rather lose him and be honest, than keep him by lying to him. Something he’d never felt before. Before it was always “have to hold onto this, however necessary.” Not now, and when Aaron had said “forgive you” last night, Robert’s heart had stopped for a second or two. He hadn’t dared hope he’d get that lucky, and Robert knows he doesn’t deserve him. So it hurts, but it’s not a surprise to wake up to an empty house.

Robert checks his phone, no messages. Or not from anyone who matters, just a text with “????” from Vic. Obviously something was up after the way he’d been in the pub yesterday. Robert doesn’t reply. Maybe being alone is what he deserves. Before he can think about anything else, he hears the rattle of keys and sees Aaron coming into the house, shopping bag and two coffees from Bob’s in his hands.

“Hey,” Aaron says, putting the coffees down on the table. “We didn’t have any supplies, and I was hungry.”

“But…” Robert splutters. “You’re…”

“What, thought I’d left?” Aaron asks, reading Robert well.

“Yes,” Robert says sincerely. “I wouldn’t blame you.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” Aaron says, dropping the shopping in the kitchen. “I meant what I said last night though. I can try to let it go, to forgive you for making a mistake, but I can’t have you sleeping with anyone else. One more like this… and I’m gone.”

“There won’t be another one,” Robert says.

“You’re agreeing quickly,” Aaron says.

“Yeah,” Robert replies. “Easy to agree to something you want.” Aaron nods once and pushes a coffee towards Robert. “I thought you’d gone. I thought…” His voice wavers and Aaron closes the gap between them, getting into Robert’s personal space, Robert resting his hands so lightly on Aaron’s hips. As if afraid to touch him, afraid he’ll vanish.

“I need to know when you see her,” Aaron says.

“I won’t…”

“No, I mean… _when_ you see her. We live in a small village, you’re bound to bump into each other. And I’d rather know than have you hide it for fear of hurting me. Don’t lie.”

“Okay,” Robert agrees. He kisses Aaron very lightly, Aaron letting him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because Vic really upset me tonight, she isn’t that thoughtless towards the boys!

“Oi, I want a word with you!” Aaron shouted, having seen Vic going down the street, jogging to catch up with her.

“Aaron,” she said, seeming with relief. “Good, have you talked some sense into him yet?”

“Who, Robert?” he asked.

“Yes!” Vic snapped. “This is his baby! He has to have some involvement!”

“Okay, _that_ right there is what I need to talk to you about,” Aaron snapped. “This baby is a reminder that my husband fucked a cheap blonde because he couldn’t wait.” A bit more complicated than that, but Aaron was angry, and Vic looked down at the floor. “This baby will always be a reminder that my husband slept with her, a woman I always thought he’d go to when he could. Neither of us need you pushing Robert to have something to do with this kid, no matter how baby mad you are.”

“Aaron!” she said in surprise. “I’m not… I just… think he’ll regret it, that‘s all.”

“This just got out,” Aaron said. “Give him more than twenty four hours to wrap his mind around it. Give me more time than to be magically okay with this baby. My husband cheated, Vic. It’s going to take time for me to be okay with it. You couldn’t even cope with Adam kissing someone else, and I’m going to have a physical reminder that my husband had sex with her?” Aaron’s voice was breaking at the end, and he swallowed to try and rein it in a little bit. Getting emotional wasn’t helping. “Just be a bit more considerate, because this is more complicated than “oh, there’s a baby in the family.” Okay?”

“Okay,” Vic said, looking slightly mollified. “How’s he doing?”

“That’s what you should have been asking this morning,” Aaron said coldly, before turning away from her.


	7. Chapter 7

“We’re going to have to take out a second mortgage.”

Aaron turned and looked at Robert in surprise, he looked bedraggled, harangued and much less like his normal self. “You want to tell me why?” Aaron asked, turning the TV off.

“My car broke down,” Robert said.

Aaron snorted. “Yeah, not heard that one before.”

“Seriously,” Robert said. “Which meant… I kind of had to call Cain. And I think the bill is going to bankrupt us.” Aaron looked like he had limited sympathy.

“You getting Rebecca pregnant was never going to be popular with my lot,” Aaron said quietly. “I’ll talk to him, get him to cut you some slack.”

“Don’t do me any favours,” Robert said, sitting on the sofa next to Aaron. “It’s not like I don’t deserve it. Thought he’d punch me to be honest.”

“What, not bundle you in the boot?” Aaron questioned, trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t work as Robert still looked downcast. “What did he say?”

“Nothing I didn’t already know,” Robert said, shaking his head. “I don’t deserve you. I’ll only make you unhappy. How did I trick you into giving me another chance?”

“You didn’t trick me,” Aaron said quietly. “You were honest with me. And you do make me happy. Mostly,” he conceded. Robert smiled slightly and pressed his head into Aaron’s shoulder, searching for comfort.

“I knew they’d all hate me,” Robert said. “I don’t blame them. I hate me for doing it too.”

“I know you do,” Aaron said. “Come on, relax. I’ll cook.”

“You must still be punishing me,” Robert muttered, making Aaron smile.


	8. Chapter 8

Aaron had decided to talk more, they both had. Their communication had been at least part of the problem in the first place. But even so, actually taking the leap and talking, instead of pretending everything was fine, that was difficult. Liv was upstairs with Gabby, both men could hear the music coming from her bedroom, mixed with laughter when Aaron turned to Robert, who was sat on the sofa.

“I need to talk to you,” Aaron said. Robert looked at him seriously, then turned the TV off, Aaron perched on the arm rest, looking decidedly twitchy.

“What is it?” Robert asked, suddenly nervous. “Do you… want me to go?” Aaron shook his head sharply. No, he wasn’t kicking him out, didn’t even want to.

“I’ve had a bad day,” Aaron admitted. And he had. Most days he was okay, most days he didn’t spend hours on end wondering where Robert was, who he was touching, whether he was sleeping with someone else. But today had been a bad day. And he was feeling paranoid and his trust of Robert was at a particularly low ebb. “I just… keep thinking you’re with someone else, or that I’m not sure where you are and… today’s been bad.”

“I’ve not been with anyone,” Robert said levelly, though he could hardly be offended, could he? “Genuinely, I was in meetings this morning, then catching up on paperwork with Nicola. Ask her if you like, I won’t mind.”

“No, it’s just…” Aaron rubbed his face aggressively, trying to put it into words how the gnawing fear wouldn’t leave him. Some days he was fine with it, he knew it had been a serious mistake with Rebecca, one Robert regretted, but sometimes… “I promised I wouldn’t bottle things up any more and I’m feeling… God, I can’t help it.”

“Come here,” Robert said, stretching on the sofa. Aaron did, almost falling into Robert’s body as they cuddled on the sofa like a couple of teenagers.

“I don’t want anyone else,” Robert soothed, a hand stroking the length of his back, along his spine. “I only want you. I love you, I’m here. I choose you every single time.” Aaron knew they were comforting reassuring words, but he also knew Robert meant them, so he allowed them to comfort him. Allowed Robert’s voice to try and wash the irrational fear away. 

“Love you,” Aaron whispered into his jaw. “Just… frightened to lose you, you know?”

“I’m here,” Robert said. “Always.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I'll ever be able to write a whole fic about Robert getting help or counselling, so here's the best I can do...

 

Aaron knows he’d said he would support Robert when he’d suggested that maybe Aaron wasn’t the only one who needed help with his issues. But he’s beginning to doubt himself, because after every session with his counselor Robert has, he’s more closed off, less willing to talk. And while they were struggling beforehand, the talking between them’s never been this bad before. Aaron’s close to suggesting Robert stop going, the only thing stopping him is it feels a little too much like giving up.

When are you going to talk to me? How long can we keep this going? What’s the point of our marriage if you keep shutting me out? They are all things Aaron thinks but doesn’t have the courage to say. Because he’s not quite ready for what comes next, after those words.

“Rob, you’ve been quiet today. Did it go all right at the counselors?” That he does dare to say, Roberts silence over hours speaking volumes for him.

“He was saying things I don’t agree with,” Robert says.

“Oh. You could get someone else if he’s not working for you,” Aaron suggests. But Robert shakes his head instantly.

“About dad. And my relationship with him.” The tension in his voice is clear, but Aaron can’t help but be a tiny bit relieved. It’s not about him then, Robert isn’t trying to work out how to leave him. Selfish, but it is his first thought.

 “What’s he saying?” Aaron asks, because he gets the feeling he needs to push Robert just that little bit. He knows his husband well.

“That I should feel resentment, I should feel bitter and mistreated by him,” Robert says, it almost falling from him after weeks of silence.

“Why is that a problem?” Aaron asks neautrally.

“Because I don’t get to feel that!!” Robert exploded. “I don’t get to feel anything about him because he was a good man as I’m constantly told from Vic and Diane and anyone else who knew him. Good, honest. I don’t get to feel betrayed for being beaten for liking a boy when I was fifteen. I don’t get to hate him, because it’s not anything like what your father did to you!” There’s a ringing silence as those words settle in the room, both men watching the other and knowing they can’t be taken back. “I didn’t mean that,” Robert says almost desperately.

“I think you did,” Aaron says quietly, watching as the fight goes out of Robert and he crumples on the sofa, fingers running through his hair. “Robert, you’re entitled to feel however you want about your own father. It doesn’t matter what Vic or I think.” Robert scoffs and doesn’t look up. Aaron touches him, stroking his forearm gently, over and over. “Just because he isn’t a rapist, doesn’t mean you can’t resent him and wish he’d treated you better.” The quiet sob Robert lets out without willing it lets Aaron know he’s close. “Stop comparing it to what I went through. Just because I went through hell with my dad doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to have any feelings about Jack at all.” Aaron doesn’t speak any more, he doesn’t have to as Robert is quietly crying. All Aaron does is hold on. After all, Robert has held him through enough tears.


	10. Chapter 10

Aaron is in love with the way Robert says his name. There are different ways, different tones and sometimes the way Robert’s beautiful voice caresses over the letters makes him feel so special. He’s never been particularly fussed before, a name is a name, right? But that’s wrong, because when Robert says it, it feels like so much more, like he is so much more.

There’s the sharp shout, in the _don’t you dare leave me_ kind of way. It’s a rare one, but Aaron remembers the way Robert called his name with some kind of desperation when he’d collapsed at the scrap yard from blood poisoning. And in the car just before it hit the water in the crash. The fear filled call, as if Robert just has to say his name, too scared of losing him. There is no way he could go on without him.

The usual, casual Aaron. Like when he’s trying to get his attention at work, or debating who’s doing the shopping this week. The way Robert makes an effort not to hover too long on the word, trying to hide the affection he feels. Aaron hadn’t noticed that for a long time, but now he has. The simple way that Robert just slightly hesitates over the word, drawing it out even when he tries not to. Making his name special without even meaning it.

Almost his favourite is the way when they’re in the middle of sex. The way he’ll quietly beg, the word _Aaron_ almost torn from his throat in total desperation. It’s Robert’s way of needing, of wanting without saying it. The way Aaron can creep underneath his skin without even trying, and Robert‘s open enough to admit it these days. Pouring such feeling into that one word when he‘s close to the edge.

But his all time favourite, is when Robert’s either very tired, a little bit drunk, or feeling emotionally vulnerable. Maybe he’s come back from a long business meeting, or just a long tiring day at work. It’s that soft way, that soft chant of “Aaron” that makes his heart stop. Robert doesn’t do soft, Robert doesn’t do vulnerability. But to hear it in his voice, the way he calls Aaron’s name, the R slurring a fraction if Robert’s really tired, the letters sliding a little… that “I’m safe and I’m home with you” kind of way… Yes, that is Aaron’s favourite.


	11. Chapter 11

“I can’t do this, I’m sleeping downstairs.” It’s the words Robert’s been dreading for weeks, months even. Aaron deciding enough is enough and leaving. The mattress dips under his weight as he gets up, Robert hearing his steps on the stairs. The loneliness, the utter hopelessness when he finds himself sleeping alone… But of course, he doesn’t sleep. He can’t these days without Aaron by his side, it reminds him too much of prison, too much of back then.

Robert doesn’t think it’s a coincidence that Aaron’s decided enough’s enough on the day that he’s seen Rebecca and they tried to discuss the baby like adults. Tried, because she’s still adamant she’s doing this on her own. Maybe Aaron can’t handle it, and the thought of losing Aaron beats absolutely everything else. Nothing comes close to the gnawing fear.

Knowing sleep’s a mile away, Robert goes downstairs to see his husband. He’s fidgeting on the sofa, clearly uncomfortable. _Anything to get away from you_ the bitter part of him says.

“I’m sorry,” Robert says hollowly and Aaron frowns.

“For what?”

“Seeing Rebecca,” Robert says, sitting on the floor next to the sofa. “Talking about the baby. It’s making it too hard for you and I won’t do it again.”

“No, you’ve lost me,” Aaron says after a beat of silence. “What’re you talking about?”

“You clearly can’t cope with it,” Robert says. “I can’t lose you, nothing’s worth that.”

“Robert, I’m tired,” Aaron says heavily, but he sees Robert’s face fall. “I’ve been telling you to face up to reality for weeks. Now that you are at least willing to talk about it, you think I’m leaving?”

“Yes,” Robert says simply.

“Robert, it’s thirty degrees outside,” Aaron says, smiling at him softly. “And you are like my own personal radiator, curling up to me and clinging on for dear life. I’m going to explode with heat exhaustion if I share a bed with you for much longer.”

“Oh,” Robert says, it suddenly clicking into place. Yeah, it’s been warm, but he likes the heat. “Oh, you’re… it’s not…” Aaron shifts and kisses him softly.

“I’m here,” Aaron says. “And as long as you’re honest with me, I’ll continue to be here. So stop worrying so much about what I think, and doing what you think I want.” Robert kisses him again, feeling a little more at ease. Not completely, but he probably won’t until this baby’s actually here. And things are more settled with his husband.

“I love you,” Robert says quietly.

“I know.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re not going to get this, I realise that. But, hey. Apart from snarky bitterness, writing is what I’m doing to attempt to get through this pointless story…

“Hey, I want a word.” Robert looked up at Aaron hopefully from his desk, Aaron shutting the door, leaving them in privacy.

“About what?” Robert asked, closing the file. The portacabin seemed overly small with just the two of them these days, and being near Aaron hurt. Because he couldn’t touch him or kiss him or even talk to him freely. He used to be able to talk about anything with Aaron.

“I found these.” Aaron put a packet of pills on Robert’s desk and he shrugged.

“And?”

“They’re sleeping pills.”

“I know what they are, I’ve been prescribed them,” Robert said offhand, taking the pills and tucking them in his leather jacket.

“Why?”

“Why?!” Robert parroted. “You’re seriously asking me that?”

“Well… yeah,” Aaron said. “If you’re not… coping…”

“Of course I’m not coping!” Robert snapped, having reached the end of his tether. “I have not slept properly in six months. I have not slept without medication or booze properly in six months, Aaron. This is not new, and you don’t have to be concerned about me any more.”

“Six months?”

“Did you think I was exaggerating when I said I couldn’t sleep in our bed when you were in prison?” Robert said. “It’s not like I could get drunk every day, I had Liv and two businesses to handle, Noah got dumped on me for a few weeks too. I barely had time to eat and I couldn’t sleep.” Robert pinched the bridge of his nose hard. “I saw the doctor because I can’t keep running on empty and seeing as sleeping next to you, the only thing that ever helped doesn’t seem very likely these days. So yes, I take medication, because I need something somewhere to hit the off button. I need something to forget that I’ve lost the love of my life.”

“Rob…”

“Look, job done,” Robert said. “I’m fine, you don’t have to worry, go and live your life.”

“Robert, please,” Aaron said. “I worry about you.”

“I’m not yours to worry about,” Robert said. “Not any more.”

“That doesn’t mean I instantly stop caring,” Aaron said. Robert shook his head because hope was a very dangerous thing.

“Thanks for the pills,” Robert said, getting up and leaving the cabin. Aaron sighed heavily.


	13. Liv's hospital aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is kind of a later in the week conversation I’d love to see. But it won’t, so I‘ll enjoy this dream anyway.

 

Liv cracked her eyes open, looking around the hospital room, hearing the beeping of machines. Shit. She‘d drunk too much then, Aaron was going to kill her. She looked to the side, and surprisingly it wasn’t Aaron there. It was Robert. Why would he even be sat at her bedside, head on his shoulder and dozing. Liv saw a tissue box on her bedside table and she threw it at Robert, making him jerk awake. “Sod off,” she said abruptly.

“Good to know you’re awake,” Robert said. He looked tired, circles under his eyes and he had a small smile on his face.

“Go on, leave!” Liv snapped. “Go and find your precious real family! I never meant anything to you!”

“I owe you an explanation.”

“Just get out!” Liv shouted.

“Not until you listen,” Robert said firmly. “Or, you can keep shouting until Aaron comes back in maybe… five minutes, and kicks me out. Your hospital room will probably become a murder scene, but…”

“Why?” Liv asked, curious despite herself. “I thought he’d want to kill me, not you. You’re not together so why would he be mad at you? I’m the one who skipped school and got drunk. You were a bastard to me.”

“Yeah,“ Robert said with no defence. “I was. But I need you to listen until the end, okay?” Robert said, forcing a calmness. Liv nodded. Being shouted at by Aaron wasn’t exactly high on her list of experiences she was looking forward to, so Robert could try to talk to her, get her to soften up. She wouldn’t fall for it.

“Go on then,” Liv said darkly. “Try and talk me round.”

“You are my family,” Robert said.

“Please.”

“You and Aaron are my family. I don’t care that I’m not genetically linked to you, I don’t care. You’re my little sister.”

“That’s not what you told her,” Liv said, almost spitting the words with vitriol.

“No. It isn’t. Because she’s thick as two short planks and I’m playing her,” Robert said. He really did have Liv’s attention now and her eyes narrowed. “I want nothing to do with her, Liv. She’s only ever been a distraction from what I really want. But I can’t have Aaron, can I?”

“Humour me, why’re you playing her?” Liv asked. She didn’t sound quite so angry now.

“I want Home Farm,” Robert said. “I want the money, the business, that house, and she could be gullible and stupid enough to let me take it. And more than that, I want proof that that  _ **baby**_ …” he hissed the word. “That that pregnancy has nothing to do with me.”

“What?”

“Whose word do I have that this baby is even mine?” Robert said. “Rebecca’s. And I know she was sleeping with Ross for ages. Whatever you believe, I only slept with her once. So if it is mine, I got bloody unlucky.”

“So, why…”

“I have to keep her onside. It’s why I called you a liar,” Robert said. “You weren’t lying, I don’t want anything to do with her. Not personally, but I have to keep going. I want that business, Liv. I suggested… once, that I didn’t know it was mine and she slapped me. She’s hardly likely to agree to a DNA test is she? I need to check if that child is mine, because I don’t trust her. So… for the meantime, I need to keep her sweet.”

“Is there a chance it’s not yours?” Liv asked hopefully. 

“There is a chance,” Robert said. “But I don’t know. Only she does and I don’t trust her.”

“If you could do with not calling me a liar in front of that slapper.”

“Liv…” Robert said, voice filled with quiet reprimand.

“Come on,” Liv said. “She slept with a married man, that’s hardly the model of behaviour. And she’d been after you for ages, don’t even try and tell me she hadn’t.”

“She had,” Robert said. “And I knew that when I sent her that text, asking her to come over. It’s my fault.”

“You’re only half responsible,” Liv muttered. “She shouldn’t have slept with you either.”

“No,” Robert said.

“Has she even apologised for what she did?” Liv asked.

“Not really,” Robert said. “It’s fine, I want to forget it. I wish I could, but that bloody bump…”

“You’ve done your job,” Liv said. “I’ll now wait for Aaron to kill me.”

“Aaron’s not angry,” Robert said. “Or not with you. The reason you passed out didn’t have anything to do with the alcohol you had. Not much anyway,” Robert said. “You stole a bottle I’d drugged. It had sleeping tablets in.”

“You’d what?!” Liv spat. “Why?!”

“Well, in my defence, I didn’t know you’d steal it,” Robert said, holding his hands up.

“Why are you drugging alcohol in home farm?!”

“It was Lawrence’s,” Robert said. “I wanted him out of action, I didn’t think anyone would get seriously hurt. I didn’t think you’d get seriously hurt. It’s my fault. Everything’s my fault.”

“That sounds like a really foolproof plan,” Liv said, screwing up her face, and Robert let out a short laugh. “What’re you doing, Rob?”

Robert sighed. “Trying to fill my life with stuff that really doesn’t matter.” He squeezed Liv’s hand. “I’m glad you’re all right. Can you… keep it to yourself? I really don’t want to go to prison for drugging a pensioner or poisoning a fifteen year old.” Liv smiled tiredly and Robert relaxed a little.

“Get rid of it,” Liv said. Robert looked reluctant. “Come on, what if Rebecca took a drink of that when she’s had a really bad day? It might not be your baby, but you wouldn’t want to be responsible for killing a foetus. Would you?”

“She’s pregnant, she’s not going to drink.”

“And Rebecca is the  _queen_ of logical thinking,” Liv said sarcastically.

 “I’ll stop with the booze. But I’m going to keep going on at Home Farm. I need something to keep my focus on, Liv.” She rolled her eyes, looking remarkably like her brother.

Aaron walked in, looking like thunder at Robert. “I’m going,” he said instantly.

“You could cut him some slack,” Liv said when they were alone.

“Did he tell you what happened?!” Aaron shouted.

“Yeah, he did,” Liv said. “He’s falling apart because he still loves you. Come on, give him a chance.”

“Let me get this straight,” Aaron said, holding onto his temper. “Robert poisons you because of God knows what he’s got going on at Home Farm, you’re unconscious at the side of the road, you could have died, Robert’s playing happy families with the one night stand he got pregnant, and I’m meant to give him a chance?” Aaron said.

“That’s pretty much the size of it, yeah,” Liv said after a moment. “He’s a mess without you, Aaron. How don’t you see it?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for smittenwithsugden's birthday! Seb appears throughout, a few years have passed.

Robert woke up to Aaron gently thrusting his hips against his own, and he smirked into the pillow. “Morning,” he murmured.

“Hi,” Aaron said before kissing the back of his neck, continuing to rock his body against Roberts. “Sleep well?”

“Mm,” Robert agreed, getting lost in the sensation. They were both wearing too much to really get into it right now, but it felt comforting and enjoyable. Until Robert’s hands went to Aaron’s hips, stilling him.

“What…? Oh,” Aaron said quietly. They both looked at the door and Seb stood there, favourite teddy hanging by one arm, blinking at them.

“You all right buddy?” Aaron asked, and Seb nodded, still standing there.

“Come on, get in,” Robert said, knowing that’s what he was waiting for. Seb let out a toothy grin and ran towards the bed, bare feet padding on the floor before he jumped into the bed, giggling as Aaron reached out for him and tickled him.

“Daaaaaad….” he gasped as the tickling subsided and Aaron gave him a wink. Seb lay sandwiched between both men, Aaron’s arm around his middle, Seb’s head resting on Robert’s chest.

“How’re you?” Robert asked, ruffling his hair.

“Excited!” Seb squealed.

“Why?” Aaron asked with mock confusion. “Today’s not an important day, is it?”

“Dad!” Seb pouted. “School!”

“Ah, that’s right,” Aaron said. “I remember now.”

“Excited for your first day?” Robert asked, and Seb beamed. He was a confident little boy, and he’d been looking forward to “big school” for months now. Robert and Aaron were both a little apprehensive, but his enthusiasm had definitely made it easier.

“I can’t take you to school,” Aaron said. “I’ve got work on this morning, so I’ll see you when you get home, okay?”

Seb whipped round and looked at Robert, wide eyed. “You’re taking me, right?”

“Of course I am!” Seb smiled at him.

“And when you come home, you’re going to tell me all about your day, okay?” Aaron said.

“Yes,” Seb said.

“Promise?” Aaron asked, holding his fist out. Seb curled his tiny fingers and gave Aaron a fist bump.

“Why don’t you go downstairs for breakfast, and I’ll be there in a minute,” Robert suggested. Seb agreed, after getting a hug from his dad, rushing downstairs.

“Thank you,” Robert said sincerely, turning to Aaron as he grabbed some clothes.

“I know it’s important to you,” Aaron said. Robert wanted to be the one to take Seb to school on his first day. For some reason Robert felt it was important for him to do it on his own. Even though he would never have dreamed of denying Aaron’s presence in Seb’s life, Seb had always called him Daddy, then Dad. Even if they split up, Robert fully expected Seb to still have a place in Aaron‘s life, because that was the family they’d built.

“Call me, though, yeah?” Aaron said. “I want to know how it goes.”

“Of course I will,” Robert said. “You’re probably going to have to pull me back together after moaning that our boy’s growing up too fast anyway.” Aaron smiled.

“Dad!” Seb called up the stairs, obviously hungry for breakfast.

“I’ll get him,” Aaron said, throwing a hoodie on and pulling some jogging bottoms on. Robert watched him go and looked out of the window, trying to calm himself down. Seb was ready for school, he knew that. That didn’t make him less nervous, or less worried. The house was going to feel so empty without him creating noise and havoc and beautiful chaos.

“Pull yourself together Sugden,” he told himself, before gathering his things and going downstairs to the kitchen.

* * *

Aaron had been distracting himself, hauling scrap around, making sure it was physical enough to keep his brain occupied. It wasn’t entirely unexpected when Robert drove up and got out of the car. Aaron took his gloves off. “How did it go?”

“He’s buzzing,” Robert said. “And I feel empty,” he admitted.

“He’ll thrive,” Aaron said.

“Oh, I know,” Robert said. He pulled Aaron into his arms and hugged him close.

“Do you want another one?” Aaron asked. Robert pulled back and looked at him, not really with surprise, but more “why now?”

“We’ve mentioned it before,” Robert said. “It’s never been the right time.”

“I think now might be the right time,” Aaron said. “And it’s not about replacing Seb, he’s mine, I hope you know that.”

“I do,” Robert said.

“But I want more kids, Robert,” Aaron said. “We both know we want a bigger family, and I want Seb to be a big brother.”

“Yeah,” Robert said with pleasure. “Yeah, lets look into it.”

“Yeah?” Aaron said.

“It sounds perfect,” Robert said. “He looked so smart in his uniform, didn’t he?”

“He looked like you,” Aaron said warmly. “But, you know, with enthusiasm for school and a work ethic.” Robert playfully slapped his arm, making Aaron laugh under his breath.

“I love you,” Robert said.

“I love you more,” Aaron replied, kissing him very softly.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is robronalways if anyone wants to find me!


End file.
